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June 2, 2011
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"SERIOUSLY? AFTER ALL THIS TIME, YOU PICK NOW TO PROPOSE TO ME?" the Doctor shrieked, gobsmacked. Standing back to back with the Master facing more than a thousand daleks, cybermen, silurians, axos, all their old foes combined, bent on destroying the last two Time Lords in existence.

"Well given you laughed in my face and turned me down flat the LAST time I asked I thought I'd wait for an opportune moment," the Master shouted back, cutting down a cyberman that dared too close with his laser screwdriver.

"And THIS is an 'opportune moment' is it?" the Doctor was armed with a cutlass, which he was surprisingly handy with, even though he was rusty in his old age, and his trusty sonic for when he had time to stun his opponents.

"We're about to die together on a battlefield facing thousands of assassins sent to kill us, there IS no better time than this," the Master shot a wry grin at him before springing into action and taking down a dozen cybermen and a half dozen daleks in the process, "so how 'bout it Doctor? Will you marry me?" The Master's grin had turned manic, balancing on a deceased dalek head, firing his laser left and right at silurians as they tried to pull him down.

"Master! You- you…" the Doctor cried at him, struggling with a rather feisty axos, eventually being taken out by one of the blasts of the Master's laser, "Oh alright, fine! Yes, I will marry you, since this is the last time I will ever have to hear your botched marriage proposals ever again!"

"Oy!" the Master screeched indignantly, then quickly whipped up a cyberman arm to fend off a pack of silurians, "Overlooking that… dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to marry the last Time Lords in existence. Doctor, do you take me to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, in madness and in health, and to be shagged for days on end when I'm bored and have nothing else to do?"

"WHAT?!" the Doctor actually blushed on the field of battle before shouting back. "That's not how it goes!"

"THAT'S HOW IT GOES IN THE BOOK OF SAXON!" the Master bellowed in return, grinning madly as he took out another fifty opponents, "Well, Doctor?"

"I… oh, alright, fine, I do!" the Doctor grappled with a cyberman, eventually wresting its head off, "And do you Master take me to be your lawfully wedded… husband," he blushed hard, knowing the Master was grinning from ear to ear over the fact that he stumbled, "to have and to hold, in madness and in health, and to NEVER try to take over the universe so long as you live!"

"Oh come on! I just wanted to shag you; you can't do this to me!"

"Ha!" the Doctor stunned a dozen more foes, "well we won't live long enough for you to have to obey it anyway, so what choice have you got?"

The Master glared death at him and gnashed his teeth, not appreciating that slam AT ALL, but growled out, "I do, you sodding, overly-benevolent, ball-busting wanker!"

The Doctor grinned cheekily, "I'll take that as a compliment!" And he then quite benevolently smack downed about 30 silurians.

"Now by the power vested in me, by me, I now pronounce us…" the Master ran over to the Doctor, using a dalek laser and cyberman arm to clear his path, "husband and wife!" He grinned viciously, then pulled the Doctor by his tie and snogged him deeply. The Doctor flailed for a moment then melted under the Master's tongue, mewling like a hungry kitten.

Behind his back, the Master flicked open a dial on the laser screwdriver and punched a button, causing a chain reaction bomb that simultaneously destroyed the remaining enemies. The Doctor didn't need to know that he had ordered all of them to attack just so he could finally get the Doctor's consent…
A bit of silliness. Man I haven't written crack in awhile 8C Raise your hand if you've missed it XP
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:icon1996billiejean:
1996BillieJean Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
THAT'S HOW IT GOES IN THE BOOK OF SAXON!
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:iconqualityrandom:
Qualityrandom Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
*sighs*

Master...

*faceplams*
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:icondavid-tennant-fan:
David-Tennant-Fan Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
hee hee, first bit just reminded me of Pirates of the Caribbean. :D 'Wait for an opportune moment.' LOL, awesome.
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:iconkisu-kaitori:
Kisu-Kaitori Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013  Student General Artist
Overlooking that… dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to marry the last Time Lords in existence. Doctor, do you take me to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, in madness and in health, and to be shagged for days on end when I'm bored and have nothing else to do?And do you Master take me to be your lawfully wedded… husband," he blushed hard, knowing the Master was grinning from ear to ear over the fact that he stumbled, "to have and to hold, in madness and in health, and to NEVER try to take over the universe so long as you live!
Reply
:iconbeyondlovesl:
BeyondlovesL Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*raises hand* oh, and David said he's no amused... He thinks that this is odd...
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:icondavid-fan:
David-Fan Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2013
Crack fiction is one of the best inventions ever....
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:iconjediartist1315:
JediArtist1315 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
"Doctor, do you take me to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, in madness and in health, and to be shagged for days on end when I'm bored and have nothing else to do?" ..... One of the best sentences in fanfiction history. That was beautiful.
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:iconixhearxthexdrumsxdad:
IxHearxThexDrumsxDad Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013
"THAT'S HOW IT GOES IN THE BOOK OF SAXON!" XD that's going in the vows at my wedding! That was a really great read! I LOVE it!
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:iconskye-rhyder:
Skye-Rhyder Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013
:rofl:
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:iconscotland-tardis:
Scotland-TARDIS Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
*sigh* time to maul the favorite button again.... XD!!! Love this fic. We all know if the master does care about home that way, he would so do this just for the hell if it.
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