literature

Halfway Real

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Literature Text

Title: Halfway Real

Author: Demon

Rating: K

Warning: SONGFIC, yes, even I do them, TRY not to judge too harshly?

Summary: During the separation. Y'know when the Doctor RAN AWAY AND RUINED EVERYTHING? Yeah... that's all the context. SO whichever Master you think actually had to DEAL with all those years apart, wither Koschei, WarChief, or Delgado!Master, I don't care which you pick.  You all should know by now who I am thinking of XP.

Author's Note: So, some of you don't know this, but BEFORE there was DW (YES, there WAS such a time in my life, we try not to think about it), I was a big POTO phan, that is Phantom of the Opera fan, hence phan.  The musical, the book, the other book to make up for how much the first book sucked, the movie, the other movie, oh and that other movie, and possibly that TV show... YEAH. POTO. BIG STUFF.

So, yes, there is a spot in my hearts for it still, well... one of them at least. And, if you are POTO phans, then you know that Lord Froggy Andrew Lloyd Webber had a BRILLIANT *gags* idea to do a SEQUEL based on the *wretches* Phantom of Manhattan.

...this would be like RTD saying, "LET'S DO TEH TEN DOCTAHS DURING THE TIEM WAR, BUT ALL IN GALLIFREYAN WITH SUBTITLES! ^_^"

...needless to say, WE ALL FREAKED AND WIDELY REGARDED THIS AS A CLASS A, TOP OF THE CLASS, BAD IDEA.

However, the dreaded day came and... it wasn't halfway bad... y'know... considering that it IS still a sequel. At least his musical touch isn't gone, the score is pretty decent. So, as a graduation present, I was gifted the OBC for 'Love Never Dies', sequel to The Phantom of the Opera.  And... basically, this fic resulted. I quickly found the Music of the Night equivalent called 'Til I Hear You Sing.  It's... well, if you've ever heard Music of the Night, you know it's pretty much the most POWERFUL song of the entire musical, and it's not a shabby musical, being the longest running on Broadway.  So... I give you www.youtube.com/watch?v=afNSW_… "'Til I Hear You Sing", performed by Ramin Karimloo.  I recommend listening before reading and then probably again after.  The lyrics are in the Artist's Comments below. Enjoy the fic!



The Master trudged into his study, weary from another pointless day of schemes and manipulation.  Frustrated with how unsatisfying it always was, he threw his coat on the nearby hat stand with more force than was necessary and caused the spindly thing to topple over.  Not entirely focused on the here and now, he didn't bother to pick it up, he'd probably trip over it angrily when he exited the room again, but, in days of late, he'd been less and less inclined to leave his study and usually ended up just sleeping there, curled in a ball like a sleeping kitten on his couch.  It wasn't particularly comfortable, but... there was something to be said for the comfort of enclosed spaces, unlike his unusually enormous beds that... really weren't meant for one.

Barely realizing what he was about, the Master flipped on a vinyl record.  As much as he hated to admit it, as much as he hated to admit agreeing with the Doctor on ANYTHING, there WAS something to be said for the musical talents of homo sapiens and though this particular version of audio equipment was sorely outdated and relatively poor quality, he found a certain peace in always having to repair it and its constant maintenance to keep it in good working order.  It was almost... quaint.

This record, being from a slightly more modern time period than the equipment itself, had none of the pops and cracks of older vinyls and the voice of the baritone singer rang out crystal clear and throbbing against the TARDIS walls.  He'd specified the acoustics of this room for magnificent orchestral sound quality and the man's voice had never sounded so poignant, so filled with emotion, as it did in that room.

Ten long years, the lyrics said.  Oh, it had been FAR longer than ten measly years.  Try ten decades. Try ten millennia--! Well... no, it hadn't been quite that long but... it felt like it... every second was a century, every minute an eternity... days were intolerable, endless agony of emptiness and loss... without... well, yes, as the song said, without you...

It just... it had been so sudden and... he felt completely bereft... like part of him had been ripped away and what was left was left to die.  There were days he did feel dead already.  Perhaps that's why he'd lost so many bodies... he'd just stopped caring, if he was already dead inside, what was the point?  

Lost and gone, lost and... gone, the words echoed mockingly.  Yes... gone... he... his... was gone, lost completely.  And it wasn't like he hadn't LOOKED. He HAD!  For YEARS after he'd left, he scoured the universe for him, checked Earth a hundred times over, that's where he said he'd always wanted to go. He even bought this record player there!  It was from the actual time period, not a replication!  He looked at the thing, disgusted with himself and his own sentimentality.  Buying a knick-knack in hopes that if he came back he'd be impressed... and maybe change his mind... and... stay.

Of course, that was back when he still hoped that he WAS coming back.  He'd lied to himself so long that there was hope, that there was a chance that he'd come back, that the Doctor would never do something so stupid, so purposefully cruel to him, but... years before he stopped looking, he realized that there was no way... on some subconscious level he really believed that he'd done the right thing by running away and... it pained him SO much to admit this, even to himself, but that his morals were stronger than ever his love for the Master was.

He felt his hearts shudder just THINKING that; it was too... too... too what?  Too true, because that's the way the Doctor had always been and he'd just been too thick to see it?  Too unfair, because he'd put EVERYTHING aside for the Doctor, his Doctor, and he wouldn't return it?  Too... too much.  It was too much.  It was the stark, harsh reality of a fleeting dream that he'd clutched to like a babe clutches a blanket... he... he needed the Doctor, SO much, and it CRIPPLED him knowing that he didn't hold the same sway over his counterpart.  

And sometimes at night time, I dream that you are there, but wake holding nothing but the empty air.  

And so, after he finally gave up, he returned to his second highest priority: taking over the universe.  He'd forget about the Doctor.  He'd conquer everything, and that would please him, and he would forget.  It was just as simple as that... and it seemed to work, he MADE it work, burying himself in plan after dominating plan, working out every intricate detail, accounting for every eventuality... but as soon as it had been carried out, he had to drive on to the next conquest, he couldn't stay still or he'd lose focus and the 'forgetting' would turn into what it really was, which was just pushing aside something unpleasant until you had time to think about it.  He hadn't really forgotten, not ever, not for a moment... what had happened, what had been was too important to even RISK forgetting it... it was always there, burning at the back of his mind, even while he slaughtered millions, even while he claimed control over planets and galaxies... he was thinking of the Doctor.

My broken soul can't be alive and whole— he WAS broken.  After he'd come to that shattering conclusion, even his plans felt empty.  Nothing held any meaning without the Doctor anymore.  His every movement was forced against his will because he couldn't stop telling himself that none of it mattered.  The hole in his chest that felt like one of his hearts was missing just kept growing and growing until he felt choked by the darkness, the deep, hollow, emptiness inside him.

And music, your music, it teases at my ear! I turn, and it fades away, and you're not here!
Heh... the Doctor did have an odd habit of humming little tunes to himself when he worked.  He missed it.  He missed everything about him.  His smiles, his laugh, the way he'd kick him out of the bed at night, the way he'd shiver under his touch... Tears filled his eyes, focusing on that stupid record player again because even it was a reminder out of the sheer humanity of it!  

Let hopes pass, let dreams pass-- Let them die!  The Master's own harsh cry matched the sudden break in the baritone's chocolate tone.  Tears streaming down his face, the well-known words bubbled to the surface, over his tongue, out through his trembling, parted lips, "I'll always feel no more than halfway real!" He broke off with a wretched sob, collapsing to the floor, unable to finish—

Till I hear you sing... once more!
“’Til I Hear You Sing” – Glenn Slater, Love Never Dies

Ten long years!
Living a mere facade of life!
Ten long years!
Wasting my time on smoke and noise,
In my mind, I hear melodies pure and unearthly,
But I find, I can’t give them a voice!
Without you...

My Christine,
My Christine,
Lost and gone
Lost and... gone.


The day starts, the day ends,
Time crawls by...
Night steals in, pacing the floor,
The moments creep,
Yet I can’t bear to sleep,
Till I hear you sing--

And weeks pass, and months pass,
Seasons fly...
Still you don’t walk through the door.
And in a haze,
I count the silent days,
Till I hear you sing once more.

And sometimes at night time,
I dream that you are there,
But wake holding nothing but the empty air!

And years come, and years go,
Time runs dry.
Still I ache down to the core!
My broken soul,
Can’t be alive and whole,
Till I hear you sing once more.

And music, your music,
It teases at my ear!
I turn and it fades away and you’re not here!

Let hopes pass, let dreams pass--
Let them die!
Without you, what are they for?
I’ll always feel,
No more than halfway real--!
Till I hear you sing once more!
© 2010 - 2024 Thy-Demon
Comments15
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Lilylily7000's avatar
*blinks back tears in eyes* Ugh, poor Master! This was so heart-wrenchingly heartbreaking! But it was brilliant! How the hell are you such a fantastic writer?!
lol
And to give you credit, this is one of the first songfics ive ever read that I actually liked!
I'm so happy I found one of your stories I hadn't read yet, (though it was SAD), I thought I had read them all! :D
You need to make like 50 new stories.
Every day.
For the next 5 years or so.
XD